On Death and Dying.

Nope this is not going to be a morose blog - in fact it will be the opposite, I want to tell you that death is nothing to be afraid of, to talk about death can be very enlightening, to plan ones funeral can be a very peaceful process.

Picture this scene, 00H30 in a hospital room, 2 woman discussing a funeral ....giggling, yes it is possible. If you have stared death in the face once you are not afraid anymore, whether the person lived or died.

Twenty one years ago was my first time, staring into the face of death, was I going to be a widow at the age of 27 with two little boys? I looked at my life from all angles, yes house would be paid up, I would have an almost new car - which I couldn't drive, yes I would have to work again, but that would not be the worst that could happen. I decided that my parents could move in with me, they still lived in an apartment then, and we would be okay. I made peace with death and have never been afraid since - after all what are we afraid of???

If we understood the process of life and death then death would not be our greatest fear. In 2004 I stared death in he face again, this time my mother was diagnosed with a terminal disease MDS, she died in  2008, in 2007 I faced death with her, once when she rallied and came back to tell the take and then finally leave this world on September 19, 2008 with me holding her hand and joking with her! At 10h55 he too her last breath and gently left with that huge Silver Angel that she first met for months earlier when she was in a coma.

In 2010 I once again sat with death, six whole weeks we sat together and watched over Frank. Once again I made my peace, silently went through all my options and then sat besides my husband whilst other people around him either passed away or went home. The saddest was a young man in the room next door, cancer had spread to his brain, just like Franks nephew Louis. I watched him die - not physically but watched the monitor when the switched off the life support - I cried with the family whom I never knew. There was another young person, a girl who was kept in a coma as she could no longer breath on her own as her lungs were calcifying, yes become bones. I do not know what happened to her but I always have happy thoughts when I think about her.

Now once again death is visiting, it is close enough as it is my husbands oldest sisters only son who is leaving us, he is 30 years old and ironically his sister has just found out she is pregnant with her third child - after two girls I know they are hoping for a boy -I am sure they will name him Louis and if it's a little girls she will most probably be Louisa.

This is the circle of life.

Traffic Chaos, of a different kind - and they wanna host the Copa do Mundo!

The joy of living in Brazil is that there are so many stories to tell. One of the main topics of conversation here is the traffic - as you may have seen from my previous posts. 

A three day long weekend ahead and we do something crazy - decide to take a break from Sampa and visit a darling friend in Brasilia. Why should this be weird, after all we often travel on long weekends in SA. As a rule due to traffic chaos we never travel during peak times - like long weekends or holidays - well an ordinary weekend is no different so we stay home. 

This was one break that I had set my heart on, I love Brasilia it is like a bigger version of Windhoek, just very green even if it is built in a very dry area. For those that do not know - Brasilia is a 'custom' built capital. Rio used to be the capital of Brazil only 50 years ago - in fact to be exact on April 22, 1960 Brasilia was born. I spent about 24 hours there earlier and loved it, but even better is that one of my soul sisters is there. 

So here we are on the plane - late of course - that is the only way it works in Brazil then we spend almost an hour trying to get to the runway to take off!! Really if Congonhas was a huge airport it would make sense but it's in the middle of Sao Paulo and small with one runway!! 

The other issue I have is that Brazilians are so used to this type of service no-ones says a single word! Just put a rowdy bunch of Soccer fans on that plane and you will have a riot on your hands!!! 

We had an absolutely fabulous weekend eating, enjoying wine, swimming, even had feijoda (only second time I have eaten it as the first time made me sick- and believe me I eat beans and the cuts of meat that are used!)Bubbly on the waterfront a guided tour! Our friend make the best braai under the sun - Frank loves to watch her! She makes the fire, preps the meat, the works!  

Sunday evening came way to fast and another journey in the air lay ahead. First we boarded late but not too much then when all is closed and ready to rock and roll some moron discovers he's on the wrong plane! Again no-one says a word!! We I didn't shut up I called the guy every name under the sun - of course I could do this because almost no-one understand English! Fortunately his luggage was on the correct plane so the delay was only 20 minutes and not an hour while they search for it. Brasilia's airport has a long taxing time almost 20 minutes just to get to the queue.

Once in the air the pilot managed to catch up and over Sampa were in time AND then the pawpaw hit the fan again. Now the traffic chaos was not only on the ground but in the air! Circles for 45 minutes before the plane got a slot in the queue! The only good part was that the airport was prepared and the bus took us directly to the luggage collection point! No long walks! 

Now the moral of this little story is - airports can't handle a 3 days long weekend and now they have to host the Confederations Cup, the World Cup and the Olympic Games - and don't tell me there is time - Brazilians admit themselves they cannot plane ahead! 

Welcome chaos - fortunately I will not be here or I would be driving a tank!   

Heritage Day

I have been doing some reflections about the purpose of the day after reading comments on a Facebook site of a political party. 

I have to shake my head. Each of us is supposed to celebrate our own heritage - we are a rainbow nation after all. I read so many hateful racists comments that I realize that the moment we celebrate anything in South Africa the the differences are highlighted instead of similarities! 

I just wonder why we can't just celebrate our own Heritage and leave others to do the same! 

I actually like the idea of having a 'braai' day - after all it means a social event that has nothing to do with politics and doesn't highlight division. Many people in SA mind their own business and just carry on whilst other simmer in their hatred of others. 

Perhaps we need to do something about the public holidays that accentuate the differences. I mean we don't go ape for Old Years Eve and Christmas is a rather calm affair. So why can't we do this all through the year. 

Why must we allow division to keep us from reaching our full potential and keeping highlighting our differences instead of embracing our similarities and realizing that all of us has the right to live on this planet! 

Seeing the news broadcasts about China and Japan fighting over uninhabited Islands - I mean really just how darn childish can the nations become! Perhaps there is more to the pieces of rock jutting up from the ocean but come on. MY Teenager who is all of almost 17 years old cannot understand how Nations/Adults can be so bloody pathetic!  

So perhaps we need to change a few things in life - perhaps we need to focus on what we have in common - the future of our planet and the future of our children. This is something that should unite almost all of us. WE need to look inward strip ourselves down to bare bones and  see the truth of who we are and that we are all the same. Anyone who does not understand this simple does not belong on this planet. We are all connected on an level that the human eye cannot even see. We need delve into our soul and see the truth of life. 

Looking at my own heritage - my mother was Hungarian - most probably with ancestry going back to the Turk (too complicated to explain but it has to do with her blood group.) My father is Czech, I was born in Brno, raised mostly in South Africa but have spent to date, over 16 years living in other countries - so what is my Heritage?? Yup  - THE WORLD!  

 

Carnival 2013 the PINK Issue.

This post is specially for my ever suffering hubby!

He has decided that while his friends here are buying (or trying to) buy Harleys he has gone through his 'midlife' crisis. I realized I had actually never asked him what his 'crisis' was! He says it was his stroke! Makes sense I suppose - a rather earth shattering experience to have at the age of 50!

The think is that I think I am finally starting to really enjoy life - perhaps it the additional fermented grape juice that I enjoy everyday or the fact that after so many years of living with chronic pain in this old body of mine I can jump out of bed without even a groan! So suddenly I have rosy pink spectacles on and feel on top of the world! (I am still grounded because I babysit my two four-legged little girls who hate to be alone.)

The other night two Amigas and I went off to Cafe Zena for dinner, which we of course never get around to, we had a wonderful pink from Italy - a so called super Tuscan, Cabernet Sauvignon/Sangiovese blend then I ordered a red. They did not have the Malbec I ordered but suggested another Malbec/Merlot blend from Michel Torino - since I know this vineyard we agreed! What a surprise - it was a fabulous wine called 'Ciclos' which means 'Cycles' in Spanish.  planned to pinch the bottles since it has a beautiful sun/moon medallion on it much like the yin/yang sign. Only after 3 bottles I forgot!

During this so called dinner - the subject if he Carnival for next year came up because one Amiga has decided that when in Brazil be Brazilian and she has joined the Vai Vai Samba school and going to 'walk' or try and stay upright with the heavy costume! She has now talked us into joining because the theme is Brazilian wine (go figure she says that was Karma and I could not miss such a chance!) The Pink issue comes in because the costume is bright pink! Can't give details say it would spoil the fun suffice to say it's actually gorgeous! I was also talked into going to the opera (which I do like but could never sit them out) and then also a Halloween party (I don't dress up!) So if this is not a midlife crisis of great proportions then I don't know.

If that is not enough I had a crazy notion of going to study full time at Elsenburg College, viticulture and pomology (google that) - Frank thinks is a good idea, my brain is telling me - no way old girl what are you going to do there with 18 years olds??  So idea shelved for now until I can see some sense in  this idea!

Now I really have to get up from this chair and get moving! It's Friday and I intend to have fun! Have to stock up some grape juice and something for dinner - need to be a bit adventurous!

Baked Camembert in pastry with secret ingredients .....

Reflections on Life as it looks now.

I have, as always been reflecting, I seem to do this all the time nowadays. I do not believe that it is actually a healthy pastime if one is stuck in the 'real' world.

I have actually deleted the mumbo-jumbo I wrote - decided that I am going to be positive as I am actually feeling quite chipper - one reason - it's cooler today and a few rain drops fell!! And I am chatting, as I do most afternoons (that is Sao Paulo time) to my sister! Only problem (well for me) is that she is enjoying her Vinho and since it's too early for me I have to read what she is 'tasting' and how yummy it is! At this very moment she has a Speir Chenin Blanc in her glass! Here I sit 5 hours behind SA time high and dry waiting for 5pm.

I have finally come to the conclusion that wine runs in the blood, genes, DNA whatever, sometimes it manifests a bit very late in life - as in my case and hers! Stephan, my son, okay Franks too, knew at the age of 15 that he wanted to become a winemaker. He is doing just that, and someday soon I will have my personal supply of juice - I should send a bottle to the good old doctor in Charlottenlund, Copenhagen!!

For the people that don't know - here is a little secret ......
Stephan was an embryo of 8 weeks when I discovered I was pregnant and went to see Dr Troels Skjernov (we lived in Copenhagen then) and he gave me some 'advice' which he said was rather controversial, and not to 'quote' him. He said to have a small glass of red wine about 3 times a week. Well since I barely drank any thing at that time I guess I had a glass here and there. So Stephan would have known wine before he was born! I tell this little story to all lovers of wine!

I suddenly decided in 2008 that Stephans wine studies looked like fun and so followed in his footsteps and sister is following in mine! She started with nice mellow soft wines now she goes for the the powerful, robust in your face wines! I am not even there yet! After many years of just being family we are once again soul sister as we used to be when we were little and that invisible umbilical cord is once again in place!

She has recently discovered, after a lifetime of believing that she cannot cook, that she actually can and enjoys it very much! Watching her make a salad is like watching a figure skater flow through her routine. Let me tell you all the love infused into the salad makes the world of difference to the taste!

The wonder of technology also means that we can send it other photos, she sends me pics of her delicious concoctions (I use this word deliberately as she does not follow recipes but rather her heart, oh and taste buds.)  I am now actually even more excited about the coming Festive Season! The plan is to start the late afternoons in the kitchen with a bottle of ice-cold fermented juice and concoct dinner! We will move the hi-fi into the kitchen as well as an extra work surface - the 'Ikea Island' as I call it and have a ball. I actually hate talking about this because today Sept 20 it is still 77 days before she gets here - how am I going to survive!!!

She has some very interesting dishes and the has to make them all! I can smell a project coming on here! This also makes my fingers itchy! I have always wanted a herb garden, where I can pick fresh Rosemary for my lamb roasts or thyme or spring onions! After living in an apartment on the 15th floor I seriously need a garden again! I observed that for 6 years we lived in a semi forest in Stockholm and now we live in a concrete forest halfway to the sky! Dreaming of running my fingers through lavender bushes. Okay back to reality again!!!

Of course in between we will also hit the restaurants in the 'hood' we have some fab ones within walking distance - this helps, no drivers needed! From Sushi at Butoh to Cafe Zena to Tea Connection, Santo Grau, Bacio de Latte (for the best ice-cream in the world) and so much more! I love this dreaming - I mean I can eat at these places any day BUT I can't wait to share them with my Sister!!

Now I guess I have lost track of time, but it is great to be able to write what you feel. Only 76 more days till Dec 6 and 94 till Christmas Eve! Yippee life sure is good after a crappy two years! So cheers to life! Cheers to the weekend!





 

Mid- Life Crisis!

Great so the years are creeping on and we start itching! The kids have fled the nest or are almost ready to flee and it's time to do a re-con on life.

This is more predominant in men, they celebrate their midlife crisis in rather expensive ways - have an affair or buy an expensive toy - if they can afford it they will most probably get a Porsche, Ferrari or a Harley Davidsson. What do woman do???

I mean yes we all know about the night sweats, hot flushes, weight gain and goodness knows what else but that is all 'normal and boring.'

I am at that crossroad in my life, not quite sure yet whether it is the mid-life crisis or the Prozac that is causing all the symptoms since I have had night sweats since I was 40 - so that's almost a decade! In 2008 I started studying Wine, it was a lot of fun and kept me busy and my brain sharp and active and of course my liver started cursing me. It's not everyday that one has to taste and evaluate almost 40 wines - and as my friends know - I can't spit! Blame that on my Mummy - we were taught that spitting is rude!

This was a fun period in my life, sad too as it was also the final months of my mothers life.

Now it is 2012, for those who know the past 2 years have been a roller coaster - a time when life was testing me to the limit and reminding me on the lessons on Impermanence. I guess I became a stronger person as well as had an experience of a lifetime! It was also a difficult time for all of us as there are human beings on this planet hell-bent of trying to destroy peoples lives just because we were not corruptible. Karma will however take care of these people so I have let it all go as I human it just takes a bit longer to really forget. I am sincerely hoping that we can put the witch hunt behind us and concentrate on living.

So back to the future. Next year in June/July we should be heading back across the pond to Pretoria. Of course this is bitter sweet as I love our apartment and our neighbourhood - wish I could just transplant it back with me and all the friends I have made. I will however not miss Sao Paulo and it's traffic, traffic jams, pollution and cost of living!

Most of our moves have been rather 'normal' yet somehow this time it feels as it it will be more than just a move across the pond but also a life changing time for a lot of people, not just Frank and myself. So in all this thinking my brain has become rather hyper and suddenly it decided that it should do something crazy.

Sometimes my mouth just blurts out an idea which isn't quite from my own mind and it sort of surprises me - well it did this time too - mind said - go and study winemaking full time at Elsenburg College!



    

Nelson Mandelas Dream is DEAD........

Back in 1994 we in South Africa stood at the beginning of a New Dawn, a New Life and a the fulfillment of a Dream held by all South Africans.

It was a time of great euphoria where South Africans came together and became the Rainbow Nation. We held hands and sang the same song, we had the same vision and we shared Nelson Mandelas Dream.

In case you are wondering how I know what his vision was? Simply this he told me, James West was a witness to that little conversation between the Great Statesman  and little ol me. August 1994, the place was the South African High Commission in Windhoek, Namibia.

The early years were filled with ups and downs but that is so in any young democracy, just like a baby starts learning to walk, it will stumble but get up again and try again until he doesn't fall over anymore and then learns to run, once again falling over but getting up again. Always moving forward.

And then one day the child stumbled and didn't get up again, stopped moving forward, stayed in it's playpen with his friends and forgot about that Dream, forgot all the promises made, forgot about the world outside the playpen and all the people he was responsible for. All he has been doing is building his playpen into a giant palace for him and his friends at the expense of those he is responsible for.

The people suffer, they are dying from the lack of proper medical care, from the high crime rate, from the lack of food and other basic rights to which they are entitled to. But the people in the playpen can no longer hear them so caught up are they in their little world of greed.

Someday soon Nelson Mandela will pass away but I can tell you that he will not do so with a joyous heart but one filled with pain and most likely anger as well. After all he fought for the freedom of those very people in that playpen they have forgotten it all and stabbed him in the back.

What you are NOT FREE to do!

This 'Free'dom business is driving me ape today!

This is the 'headline' responsible for this blogg - '35 000 offenders could be released ......

We are about to release 35 000 criminals back onto the streets in South Africa, in a country already so ravaged by crime that 'freedom' is just a joke.

Freedom is living without fear.
Freedom is being able to sleep at night.
Freedom is finding your car where you parked it.
Freedom is kids being able walk/cycle to school without fear.
Freedom is being able to leave your doors unlocked while you are in your house.
Freedom is not having to build 2 meter high fences around your property.
Freedom is not having to install fancy security alarm systems with armed response.
Freedom is being able to replace your cellular phone because it's old and not because it was stolen.
Freedom is not being raped.
Freedom is not being sodomized.
Freedom is not having ones eyes gouged out.
Freedom is food in your tummy.
Freedom is running water.
Freedom is a decent roof over your head.

Feel FREE to add to this list .........

Prozac by another Name

So he finally did it and I didn't even realize I had been duped!

So just a little something to dull all the pain, great me thinks. 'Just fluoxetina' - sounded flowery enough for me so off to the pharmacy i waddled, waddled because of tendinitis and bursitis in both hips - and no don't ask!

Was cheap enough as meds go here, found it strange that the prescription for the 2 steroid injections was given back to me but the 'fluo - whateva' was not, curious after all one gets anti-coagulants without a prescription in Brazil.

Thanks to my dear friend Liz, a nurse, a pain-free injection in the butt later I decided to 'google' the flowery sounding name and staring at me was exactly what I didn't expect or want to see! So what to do .....
I decided to bite the bullet and take them, who knows perhaps he right, it may help.

Four days down the line I only have side effects - loss of appetite, okay so I am not complaining as yet. Fortunately I am allowed to have my daily fermented grape juice tipple so all is well.

In Honour of Freedom Day

I have been reflecting a lot on life lately. 

More than ever it leaves me wondering why we are really on this planet ... at least in my eyes anyway. This morning reading all the comments on various Facebook pages (not peoples pages but Zapiro, Newspapers, SA Promo, the DA and so on) I realize that very few people are really free.  After all what is 'Freedom?' Same as the question - what is 'Peace?' 

18 years ago SA became a democracy, the Rainbow Nation came together and decided on a new future, a new chapter in the history books of South Africa. I have now labelled that era 'The Mandela Years.' Did you know that in August of 1994 I met President Mandela, he gave me a hug and whispered in my ear 'Saam sal ons dit laat werk.' (Together we will make it work.) Funny that he spoke Afrikaans to me - because I was speaking English to him. I felt my heart swell with joy.

He had a vision, but he was also a realist, he knew it would be a tough road, with many changes and many sacrifices. His people listened to him because he was a humble being, much like Gandhi and Mother Teresa. He worked so hard and sacrificed so very much but he knew that it was needed and he could make a difference. And then the Mandela Years ended. 

For a second lets pause here - I am not talking Politics, not my cuppa tea, I am talking about life. Yes LIFE in capital letters. 18 years down the line are South Africans truly free?  

Nothing to Say

There is so much that needs to be said and so much that should be shared but after a break in writing for almost a year - where does one start?

Reality does not feel like reality but a movie that I am watching. My life? What life? Ramblings? Nothing feels real now, waiting for the great director to call out 'CUT' great scene. Only I need to know what the next scene will be.

For years now I have sort of known what to do and where life was leading, now I am at the crossroads and I have no idea which path to take, neither one is the correct one, there is just too much at stake.

I eat, drink and sleep (when I sleep) stroke. I don't question 'why' it simply 'is' but 'why is it?' What is it that I am mean't to be doing that I am not ......

I know life doesn't come with a manual, but it does come with intuition - but that seems to be switched off at the moment.  

Intuition still switched off so going to post - have too many drafts in my folder! Right now criminal novels by Scandinavian writers are just so much nicer than trying to write my own stuff.